November 27, 2018 10:57 AM EST
Have you ever found yourself dating someone who never responds to your texts, likes your tweets, but doesn’t retweet them, wears all black, and ate your plums, and wondering if you’ve been ghosted, if he’s cheating on you, or if he’s not who he claims to be? Twitter might be able to help. A new meme has taken over the social media site and it is chock full of dating advice—sort of.
According to meme database Know Your Meme, it all started when Twitter user @KylePlant Emoji posted the following tweet on November 22nd, 2018:
Ladies, if he:
- only responds after you double text
- doesn't care about your snap streak
- refuses to shave
- is a staunch abolitionist
- returns to Ohio after serving only one term
He's not your man. He's 19th president Rutherford B Hayes
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) November 22, 2018He didn’t create the format of the advice joke, but his brilliantly ridiculous punchline suggesting the person is dating former United States President Rutherford B. Hayes struck a chord and a funny bone. The tweet quickly gained over 20,000 retweets and 139,000 likes, going viral, and sparking countless variations on the theme with Twitter users suggesting women are dating a manatee, a long-dead poet, the Duolingo owl, the private insurance industry, and much more.
Ladies, if he:
- is always late
- never shaves
- eats 10% of his weight a day in plant matter
- leaves you every winter for warmer waters
He’s not your man, he’s a manatee.
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) November 25, 2018Ladies, if he's:
-perfect
He's not your man. He's Gritty
— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) November 26, 2018Ladies, if he:
- defends you in battle
- is your protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil
-casts all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls into hell
He’s not your man. He’s St. Michael the Archangel.
— Cassie (@comcatholicgrl) November 25, 2018Ladies, if he:
-Doesn’t return your calls
-Makes you foot the bill
-Is never there for you when you need him
-Pays his CEOs over $20 million a year and denies medically necessary care to the sick
He’s not your man, he's the private insurance industry. Dump his ass
— DSA for Medicare for All (@dsam4a) November 26, 2018As the meme spread, brands and companies and TV shows have gotten in on the fun, too:
Ladies, if he:
- never responds to your texts
- can't stop saying "Jason"
- has only existed for 7 hours
- is a willing sex robot
- has wind chimes where his ding-dong should be
He's not your man. He’s Derek Hoffstetler, P.I. pic.twitter.com/dNgZ16dGh8
— The Good Place is taking it sleazy (@nbcthegoodplace) November 27, 2018Ladies, if he:
- makes you sound better
- usually means the same thing
- finishes your sentences
He's not your man. He's a synonym.
— Thesaurus.com (@thesauruscom) November 25, 2018Ladies, if he:
- never texts back
- doesn’t follow you on social media
- can’t go in the water
- emotionally tortures you
- has a super hard shell
He's not your man. He's a book, and books are better than men, so happy reading.
— Random House Group (@randomhouse) November 24, 2018Ladies, if he:
-Is skinny
-Speaks in the third person
-Loves shiny things
-Talks to himself
-Wakes you up to the sound of him whining for My Love, and My Precious
He’s not your man. He’s Gollum. pic.twitter.com/3CgRLgK9lT
— Warner Bros. Entertainment (@WBHomeEnt) November 26, 2018Ladies, if he:
-Is always there for you
-Waits at home all day
-Keeps playing games with you
-Beeps every time you turn him on
He’s not your man, he’s a PS4
— PlayStation UK (@PlayStationUK) November 27, 2018The dating advice is so patently silly that it’s all in good fun, at least until a Swedish court rules otherwise.
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